Why Dan Should Be The Valentine of the Nasty Girlie Gang

(as told to Leopard Bernstein)

A softly-lit restaurant. In the background, quiet burbling of champagne and pleasant laughter. The flicker of candlelight. Your favorite hunk across the table, pledging his undying devotion. Does this sound invi- ting?

No? How about loud, pounding industrial techno-punk blaring from a stage while you're flung violently upward and tossed about in the moshing pit, your current companion screaming "Bitchin'!" in your general direction, his pierced tongue glinting in the smoke and lasers. Is *this* more to your liking?

If _either_ of those sound like your ideal evening, or, perhaps, you desire something somewhere in between, then Dan is the valentine you've been waiting your whole life for. He understands the subtle and diverse needs that the NGG valentine must fulfill, and is willing and capable of =exceeding= all your expectations.

Would your ideal date look like Patrick Swayze? Ralph Fiennes? Alan Rickman? Mel Gibson? No matter. Dan is willing to get a full-body tattoo of any hunk you choose (at his own expense, of course), so that he will be a *dead* *ringer* for him. He is so devoted, he will even become Fabio, should that be your desire. (He will even refrain from commenting on what such a desire would say about you; he ap- preciates that, whatever desire a Girlie might have, it is her pre- rogative, and his job is to satisfy it.)

He is adept, nay, masterful at whispering sweet nothings in your ear; after all, he has purrfected the ability to say many, many words while saying nothing at all. Here is your chance to have that talent at your beck and call.

Do you want a shoulder to cry on? His wide shoulders make the purrfect crying spot. Would you enjoy a warm hug? Then you deserve nothing less than his patented Massive Bicepses (tm) wrapped around you for as long as you might desire.

Do you need a willing subject for your experiments? Say no more. Pain means nothing to him; he lives to serve. Do you want your valentine to taste-test the latest in NGG scone recipes? He will be _enchanted_ to do so, and happy for the opportunity.

Perchance your tastes turn to someone a bit more... willful. Some male who has some spirit, an attitude, and does not _want_ to be submissive and respectful. No problem. He'll be as nasty as you want him to be. He'll dress all in leather, with a spiked dog collar around his neck. You can hang him from the ceiling. He will challenge your authority in any manner you want. (Of course, eventually, you *will* win, for no male can best a Nasty Girlie. But, if you want the thrill of subdual, the rush of pouncing upon a [nearly] equal foe, then Dan can provide that, too.)

No matter _what_ you need, he can be it. And, at the end of your perfect evening, he will (if you so choose) follow you home, and be your domestic servant, quietly waiting on you while you relax in the manner of your choosing. An idyllic ending to a fantasy come true.

No-one else can offer such a fantastic range of valentine delights, all so different, yet all so appropriate (almost as if he read your mind). You barely have to ask, and your every desire will be realized.

He is yours for the taking.

Note from the NGG: Dan even put together his own NGG Valentine Web Page. Unfortunately, since it's past February, we have removed it and now save it for ourselves.