1999 Valentine Essay Contest Winners
This year we relaxed the rules, got a smaller number of essays, but all of them were of high quality. Indeed a concensus could not be reached on anything but the first prize winner.
This was a year of several firsts. First of all, you all gave Dan/Ted a run for his money. Well, at least we think so. Also, this year, we received the broadest variety of entries we've ever seen. And this was the year we finally decided to get in the act ourselves, and to write an actual response to one of the entries!!!
Most of all we've done something very different, very special and very, very serious. This is the first year the NGG has shown its serious side, putting up pages related to Su's recovery from her November accident. So we've extended this side to cover this season, too, instituting the NGG Hall of fame.
First Prize
And the winner is. . . . . . . . .Chris Howard
Chris's entry was the first one we opened. He wrote a lovely poem, which we found very pleasing. Except for a brief discussion over whether or not he was secretly Dan (and the final decision that we didn't care), the NGG was unanimously pleased with what Chris had to offer. Except for being a great valentine, Chris has not provided us with much in the way of information, and we note that he alone did not provide a picture.
The Rest
OK, that was where consensus ended. Most of the other entries got some vote for second place, so in our unique wisdom we have decided to just present them here and tell you what we liked, why they missed first place, and what we really think.
Dances with Poultry
The NGG was seriously impressed with the entry by our favorite chicken dancer. We noted that it was amazingly koan-like, and were amazed that DwP, not known for being reticent in the area of verbal communication, managed to express himself in only 19 words. What went wrong? Well, Rooster-guy, the NGG just cannot put up with being portrayed as, well, weak in any way. And never lonely of course. Ever. After all we have each other.
Dan Nitschke
Well, WE were pretty surprised to see Dan as an also-ran. Either of the other years this would have won first place, Dan! It's a great, solid valentine, with just the kind of attitude (i.e. servile) that the NGG loves. What missed? We can't really say. Except that Chris does seem to be a good poet.
Andy McClelland
This one has to be the most controversial and contentious valentine that the NGG has ever received. About half of the NGG, at first reading, found it creepy. They did not initially identify the intruder as non-threatening. The Anne Rice fan in the group, loved it. And on second reading, many of us had to admit it was very well done. Still, that vaguely threatening tone was not first prize material. And, Andy, you have to realize that a Nasty Girlie is not likely to be alone against her will on valentines day, nor is she likely to EVER be as passive or as defenseless as you have portrayed her.
We recommend that you read through our reworking of Andy's story as it would more likely occur with a Nasty Girlie:
Our version of Andy's Essay
Sam Belinoski
OK, Sam here paid a lot of attention to the page; he looked at every Girlie's page and determined what they liked. He understood the attitude involved (servility, again, and worship) and he did not portray us as in any way passive or incapable of anything. We like words like tantalizing, respect, divine. So what went wrong. Well, Sam, we don't know exactly how to tell you this, dearie. But regarding the being a poet part? Well, don't quit your day job waiting for the New Yorker to reply, OK?