Huh huh huh, he said wood!

EPISODE II

After departing from Ithaka, Telemakus, with the help and guidance of Obiwan Athena and his droid R2 Peisistratos, set off across the mystic Sea o' Cheese in search of old Nestor, master of the Duct Tape Knights. Keeping in mind and heart the secret of the Duct Tape (the omnipotent force that has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together), he hopes to become a full fledged Duct Tape Knight and avenge the siege and subsequent abuse of his father Odysseus' house brought upon by the evil Imperial Suitors (not to mention the astronomical mortgage payments and income taxes; do you have any idea how much it costs to make payments on an entire island?), who, out of insecurity about the insufficient size of their light sabers, are hitting on a married (and not to mention unwilling, disgusted, and completely and utterly turned off) woman, and thus brings a termination, a closure, an end, if you will, to this totally cluttered and, for the most part, irrelevant run-on sentence.

Meanwhile, Odysseus, held captive on the island of Ogygia by Calypso the Tub, yearns desperately for the day when he might set sail for his home on the island of Ithaka. Little does he know that, by the divine influence of Obiwan Athena, Hermes is en route to Ogygia to deliver the order of Odysseus' release; however, Hermes, being a disgruntled, underpaid former postal worker for the U.S. Postal Service, doesn't arrive for several years.