TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE DIALOGUE

The questions are presented as an opportunity to deepen the dialogue with our spouse. It calls us, as individuals, to recognize the following:

• I am responsible for meeting my own needs.

• I am responsible to my spouse for the way I choose to meet my needs and for creating a relationship in which he she can meet his her needs.

• My behavior is always my attempt to meet my needs, either successfully or by compensating.

• I have choices to make for the sake of our relationship.

There are five questions to use to deepen the dialogue. Answer the questions in your love-letter, share the love-letter, then dialogue

on the questions. The questions are:

1. What are my feelings? (Describe in loving detail.)
2. What are my thoughts? (Judgements, ideas)
3. What do I see myself doing? (How am I choosing or not choosing to react to these thoughts and feelings, i.e.: listening, getting involved, and ignoring.)
4. What does this tell me about the way I am handling my needs? (Am I compensating? Are any of my needs going unmet? Am I looking to have my needs met somewhere else?)
5. What can I do better? (What am I willing to do for the sake of our relationship?)

Daily Dialogue heightens our awareness of feelings. Deepening our dialogue with feelings is a way of becoming more aware of what we are thinking, doing and why. Also we discover what choices we have in our behavior, and what we are willing to do to take responsibility for meeting our own needs.

• Source: Worldwide Marriage Encounter