32 WAYS TO ANNOY

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage". 

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
   consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." 

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
   talking to others. 

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and
   then pointing it at the screen. 

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce
   that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,
    99 copies. 

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 

12. Sniffle incessantly. 

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 

14. Name your dog "Dog". 

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
    conditions "to keep them tuned up". 

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
    "astronaut training". 

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors
    upstairs for "violating your airspace". 

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
    "real hoot". 

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with
    a can of Lysol. 

21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to
    your boss. 

23. Make beeping noises when a person backs up. 

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
    play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the
    neighbors you are a "spider person". 

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
    prophecy." 

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
    awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
    moment. 

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
    ears. 

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge across
    the room. 

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal
    Howard Cossell voice. 

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.